Today I want us to dig into something that has been hard for me (not that any of this has been easy): self-trust.
“I’ve been a therapist for fourteen years. People don’t come to therapy knowing they have boundary issues. When they walk in the door, boundary issues are disguised as issues with self-care, conflicts with other people, trouble with time management, or concerns about how social media impacts their emotional state.’ from Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself by Nedra Glover Tawwab (XV)
"Not only were all of these challenges present in my life, aside from saying yes or saying no, but I began to see how alcohol was intertwined in all of it. That’s why I think boundaries are important for all people, but mandatory for people who want to change their relationships with alcohol. If we struggle to set boundaries, we lose ourselves in the process, and we lose the self-trust that could guide us into different choices for our health and wellbeing. Even more so, I found that my self-trust was deeply tied to my inability to practice self-forgiveness. I realized after the fact that I had not been upholding boundaries because I didn’t believe I deserved them. Alcohol had made the voices of shame so loud that if I ever began to try to honor myself, I would stop and remind myself of the things I did when I was drunk that I hated. This meant that I needed to forgive myself, so that I could then step into a place of new self-trust, which would require boundaries.”
--The Rev. Erin Jean Warde, from Discerning Sobriety
How does boundary setting feel for you? What would self-forgiveness and self-trust look like for you in your life right now?
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